atheists don’t believe in god, god doesn’t believe in atheists, i don’t believe in either — what does that make me?
[[ e x p l i c i t l y r i c s ]]
i started writing this song in january of this year. today i saw a bumper sticker that said “god doesn’t believe in atheists” which made me laugh. then i came home and finished this song. here it is.
________
i don’t believe in god, but that don’t stop me from looking.
it’s not that i don’t need god, i just don’t see it that way.
you said you try to be like god — well, that’s a fucked up thing to say,
and i’ll never forget that you put it to me in that way –
when you know my name.
and i don’t believe in love, but that don’t stop me from looking.
it’s not that i don’t need love, i just don’t need these dumb fucking games.
you said i should try to believe in love — well, that’s a foolish thing to say,
when you and i both know that you didn’t really mean it that way –
but now, you know my name.
it’s just a time delayed release regret,
it’s not that you don’t feel bad — you just don’t feel bad yet.
it’s just a time delayed release regret,
it’s not that you didn’t see it — you just couldn’t see it yet.
quite what it is.
this was the first close to complete take of this new song. which is really what the majority of songs posted here are – rough scratch tracks of new songs as i write them.
i do now have a couple “better” versions recorded since yesterday, that sound significantly less ragged — but this first one is still my favorite, somehow.
__________
sometimes, it’s a good time.
sometimes, it seems there’s got to be a better time –
but it’s never the right time for losing your mind,
and i’d like to try and say you didn’t even say you didn’t try to tell me –
but you did.
and i’d like to try and say i didn’t know the way i didn’t try to tell you –
but i did (you know i did).
oh, it’s strange to find a multitude of ways to say exactly what and so precisely,
but to still not know quite what it is.
oh yeah, well, so i read a thing or two — but it’s all laughing gas, to me.
and i guess i just forgot i had a something else to do –
or maybe i just let it slip through.
ain’t it strange the way to to know the word you call it by it’s name,
out loud you say it!
but you still don’t know quite what it is.
faces (the fiddlers three).
so, i was in a band called the fiddlers three (along with sam watts, markdavin obenza, jonathan baab & nicholas holman) — when i was 17 or 18 years old. i recently unearthed the cassette demo we made. after listening to it for the first time in years, all i could do was laugh. here’s one of the songs. dig the tape hiss.
these kinds of things.
you don’t have to wait for me, you can go or you can stay — and so far as i can see, it don’t make much difference any which way you can — oh, you can — but you don’t know what you can. but you don’t have to wait for me, you can stay or you can go. yeah, i know just what i feel and i fear i can’t afford to let it.
well first you started to like it,
then you started to feel something,
but then you started to need it,
because it started to mean something.
i could stumble my way through it, hope to wake up and find myself someplace new. i heard you say you saw right through it, but the truth’s not it what you know how to say, but in how you do — that’s how i see you.
someone told you it was coming,
so you were patient and you waited,
but all that waiting started meaning something,
and so you started to hate it again.
oh you thought it would be just fine, what’s the harm just a quick check for tension on the line, but now you’re hooked.
and this is no way to go about these kinds of things, this is the only way to go about these kinds of things.
a cold burning flame.
i tried to stand up, but i fell down. i tried to give up, but i kept holding on. if you are my witness, then i am a cold burning flame. you say there’s a difference, but to me it all starts to sound the same. i tried to wise up, but i just started from the same damn place again. i tried to rise up, but i fell down. spring will come again.
sevenfold (prayer no. 3).
sevenfold [prayer no. 3] (mp3)
i don’t go nowhere, don’t think of my destination
i don’t think nothing about your slick reputation
it’s not what you do, who you are, it’s just a situation
sometimes it feels like there’s only pain and frustration
but that’s a sure thing, so proceed without hesitation
this is my answer, my prayer & my incantation
oh, holy holy! the thrill of new inspiration
but voices fall silent for fear of recrimination
don’t you know, the silence get’s louder as you go
then your eyes get wild, and your voice gets low
i know i can’t tell you anything you don’t already think you know
it comes past quick, i guess you really wouldn’t know
until you’ve felt it coming back sevenfold
sometimes it feels like there’s only pain and frustration
it’s not what you do, who you are is just a situation
and this is my answer, my prayer, my incantation
when you rattle the roots, the whole tree has to shake
some leaves have to fall, some branches have to brake
and your eyes get wild and your voice gets low
i know i can’t tell you anything you don’t already think you know
because it comes past quick, i guess you really wouldn’t know
until you’ve felt it coming back, sevenfold.
here’s your christmas song.
recorded in 2006 at jack straw productions as part of the soundtrack to a beautiful short film by alan blake called sometimes…and always in a dream.
featuring myself, aimee zoe tubbs, moe provencher & mike mcdermott.
two different things (two different versions).
just me, from this morning:
scandalmonger, from a couple days ago:
two different things [scandalmonger] (mp3)
evan flory-barnes : bass
lalo bello : percussion
_______________
don’t want to see anybody,
don’t want to be alone.
don’t want to say that i love you,
don’t want to say that i don’t.
don’t want to stay any longer,
don’t want to go nowhere.
don’t want to preach to the choir,
don’t want to hear about how much you care.
the things that you say and the things that you do,
tell me two different things, which one is true?
don’t want to tell you about it,
and i know that i can’t keep it hid.
you’ll say that you never noticed,
and i’ll say that i know exactly what you did.
the things that you say and the things that you do,
line it all up just right, that’s how you’ll know you’re you.
don’t want to go by the numbers,
don’t want to take it on faith.
maybe i never noticed.
because the things that you say and the things that you do,
tell me two different things and i know they’re both true.
“spell it out for you just in case you can’t see straight.”
spekulation. i am lucky to know this man & to get to work with him.
live @ egan’s | november 2009
no microphone on the piano, and it gets a little clippy at the parts where i get loudest — but i am grateful none the less to the folks at egan’s for providing a recording.
prayer no. 1 [live @ egan's] (mp3)
original entry: prayer no. 1.
first recording, with scandalmonger: just so (scandalmonger).
this is not [live @ egan's] (mp3)
original entry: this is not.